Hockey Talk from Seaside

Vancouver 2010 - Canada has regained hockey supremecy. But over the course of the tournament it became pretty clear that certain teams had certain stigmas attached to them. It's like highschool, you have jocks, nerds, beauty queens and pricks. Today, that combination of characters add up to shenanigans and reality tv. Most recently, MTV's Jersey Shore shows off the pure comedy that can only come from bringing these personalities together. Throw in a beach, close proximity of clubs, ridiculous nicknames and you have 9 episodes of WTF.

Needless to say the personas of hockey nations are like those of a highschool setting. With the heightened attention to hockey and the Jersey Shore phenomenon... I think you know what's coming.

Team Canada = Mike "The Situation" Everybody loves them, or loves to hate them. Always with a target on their back and always the centre of attention. Canada’s identity is as closely tied to hockey as Mike is with his female prospects (AKA creepy crawlers). Someone is always trying to chop them down, take the throne and discard the remains, but to no avail. 9 times out of 10, the situation will turn out in their favour; Canada cooks up gold medals while Mike cooks up surf-n- turfs with someone else cleaning up the mess. (Sidenote: Who on Team Canada is most likely to adopt the GTL lifestyle? My top 5: Luongo, Perry, Bergeron, Doughty and Thornton. Mega-wildcard: Ken Hitchcock)

Team USA = Snooki USA is on a roll in terms of losing to Canada in international hockey competition and Snooki has a few “rolls” of her own. Both are constantly taking the bullet (or grenade) for their arch nemesis only to be humiliated in the process. USA lose in ’02 (ends Canada’s 50 year gold medal drought on their home soil) and 2010 (redemption for Turin and ends their Cinderella run) while Snooki absorbs facial impacts from a “hippo” so Situation can entertain his nightly creepy crawler.

Team Russia = JWoww Russian women have been characterized as looking like men and JWoww fits the bill. The attention and hype received by both is eventually overshadowed by the surfacing of their flaws. Russia lacked depth and hoped the front-loaded talent could mask any shortcomings from the other two-thirds of their roster. JWoww counted on physical enhancements and provocative nightly attire to mask the shortcomings in the facially-appealing department. It’s safe to say, both failed miserably.

Team Sweden = Sammi and Team Finland = Ronnie They may not get as much attention as their counterparts but each respective combo has a well-defined love/hate relationship. Each time Finland/Sweden faceoff, Jarkko Ruutu feels the need relinquish his MMA skills while Sweden assumes the fetal position with Peter Forsberg twisting his ankle 600 degrees. Likewise, disagreements with the Seaside couple results in Ronnie taking out innocent bystanders with “ONE SHOT!!!” and Sammi walking home alone and convincing herself, “Hey I did nothing wrong. The other guy’s girlfriend had a fake Louis Vuitton purse. He deserved to get beat up.”

Team Czech = Vinny The Wildcard, always lurking and seizing an opportunity to take a few cheap shots at the top-dog. Both had their fair share of success (Czechs upsetting Canada in ’98 Olympics and Vinny hooking up with Mike’s sister) but they were largely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

Team Slovakia = Pauly D Everybody’s friend. No personal hard feelings or animosity towards these two. If anything, we root for them. Who wasn’t cheering for Slovakia in the Bronze medal game? Who isn’t cheering for Pauly D to make it big in the DJing industry?

Proposition of Today (POT): Re-live the moment from the 2010 Gold Medal Game or one of the 9 episodes from Jersey Shore Season 1. You can thank me later.